Methods for Dealing with the Root Causes of Your Avoidance
In most cases, the real reason for our procrastination, lack of fitness, or resistance to challenging tasks is not what we first believe it to be.
We fool ourselves into thinking that all it takes is to finally accomplish the task we’ve been putting off. Very easy! When we don’t succeed, however, we start to question our own abilities.
The issue is that we are ignoring the root of the problem. While there are strategies that may alleviate the symptom, they are usually short-lived, and that is why we are focusing on the symptom.
What therefore leads us to avoid? A stream of raw emotion. A subjective feeling.
Here is a step-by-step guide:
It’s possible that you’re experiencing a wide range of negative emotions—overwhelm, anxiety, fear, sadness, loneliness, emotional exhaustion, frustration, and being battered—as a result of the current state of your life.
Because you would rather not feel that way, you fight against allowing yourself to experience that emotional state. Distractions such as online games, busywork, texting, etc. are common ways that people fight against change.
Even at your best, dealing with a thousand emails, removing clutter, or tackling a challenging assignment might be daunting while you’re in this emotional state. The difficulty increases when one is experiencing a challenging emotional condition. Because of this, we are avoiding it.
Using techniques, we attempt to force ourselves to do the thing we’re avoiding in the hopes of overcoming our avoidance. “Today is work only; no interruptions!” And it does work on occasion, but never for very long since the root source of the problem is never dealt with. Avoidance is where we started.
We already feel terrible about ourselves when we retreat to avoidance, and this only makes things worse. Any preexisting emotional condition will just be intensified by this. To increase the emotional strain, go back to step one and do it again.
Do you recognize any of these? This is something that everyone goes through on a daily basis, even if they don’t realize it. Because we fight against the emotional condition, even when we are conscious, we hardly face it.
Therefore, the two issues that need fixing are:
- The mental condition that is producing avoidance is unknown to us.
- Even when we don’t realize it, we fight against the feeling.
Let’s discuss solutions to these problems so we can get to the root of people’s avoidance behavior.
Illuminating the Inner Condition
Being aware of this when you’re trying to avoid something is crucial. Are you putting off any personal habits, projects, conversations, or tasks?
On the other hand, you may find that you’re engrossed in various forms of distraction, such as texting, social media, email, busywork, sites like Netflix and YouTube, news websites, forums, and more. While it’s great to do this sometimes, getting too wrapped up in it is usually a red flag.
As soon as you become aware that you are evading or distracted, try to become aware of your true emotional condition. Is loneliness, melancholy, or sorrow plaguing you? Worried, scared, or overwhelmed? Feeling agitated, furious, bitter, or burdened? Unloved, hurt, and invisible?
You are under no obligation to address the emotional condition at this time. Pay attention. Raising awareness will eventually allow you to take action.
Giving in to Feelings
Your best hope of ignoring or distracting yourself from an emotion is to just not feel it. If you feel bad about feeling sad, furious, worried, etc., then you probably don’t want to experience them. There may be no problem with these emotions in your mind. However, a portion of you is reluctant to experience them. It could be too difficult, or you might feel like you can’t manage it.
Doing your best to control your feelings is perfectly normal. It’s ok to be hesitant! However, we shall be unable to escape it so long as we fight against it.
For those who are willing to let go of their resistance, the exercise consists of just allowing themselves to experience the feeling. Just generally unhappy, lonely, worried, and irritated. Take a few minutes to sit quietly and let yourself experience it. The most important thing is to just relax, mentally and physically, whenever that feeling arises.
Give in to the feelings. It’s typically not that bad, and it won’t be more than a few minutes long. If it becomes too much, just stop and do something else to distract yourself.
Take some time for yourself afterward to care for yourself, regardless of whether you can succumb to it. Be kind to yourself, love yourself, and make yourself a hot cup of tea. Find someone to embrace you or speak to, such as a therapist or friend. And be proud of yourself for everything that you have accomplished.
What to Do Instead
In light of the above, I will now explain how to bring about a change so that you are not avoiding as much…
Pay attention while you’re avoiding or unable to go beyond a distraction.
Take note of the underlying emotional condition.
Allow yourself to be fully affected by the feeling. Just chill out.
Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself.
Doing so should make you much more understandable. Find out whether you’re more willing to face your fears now that you’ve done this.
To give yourself a mental triumph, try doing what you’re trying to avoid for only five minutes. It’ll make you feel even more vulnerable.
Cheer on your triumph!
