Learn to Accept and Embrace Your True Self

“You deserve your love and affection just as much as anyone else in the entire universe.” ~Buddha

It’s easy to feel that a change is necessary in today’s self-help, life coach-obsessed culture. what you are as a person, not merely what you do.

It’s one thing to welcome change in the name of development, enhancement, and expansion of horizons. It’s entirely another thing to feel so unlovable and unworthy that no amount of improvement can make you feel otherwise.

My teenage years and early twenties were founded on this kind of deep-down disdain for myself. It seemed like I was always attempting to dismantle myself and replace myself with a more ideal version of myself.

I sang “The Greatest Love of All” and won a karaoke competition in the early ’90s, but at the time I still didn’t know how to love myself. Being as closed up as a scab prevented me from experiencing the greatest love of all, or any love, for that matter.

I would keep a running mental score of all the ridiculous things I said, stupid ideas I presented, and ultimately failed efforts to make others like me throughout most days. How could they if I wasn’t even going to show them the way?

I say this not as a before-and-after photographer who has forgotten the subject entirely, but as someone who has spent the last decade going two steps ahead while regressing one. I’m pleased with myself for being so forthright with you.

When people have made it through a difficult situation, they are more likely to talk about it. Saying “This is who I used to be” is far less intimidating than saying “This is what I struggle with sometimes.”

However, I tell you this as honestly and openly as I can, because that is my reality. Even though I have a deep, fundamental need to be liked and accepted, I am gradually coming to understand that respect for oneself is the bedrock upon which enduring happiness rests.

The truth is, I don’t think I’m all that unique. Everyone wants to feel like they are accepted and loved for who they are, flaws and all. Everyone, I suppose, secretly hopes that being yourself is not just acceptable but laudable.

That, of course, begins with us. If we don’t think we’re loved, no one else will. If you don’t really believe it because you…

• Act as if you owe other people answers for everything you do by constantly apologizing, hedging your remarks, and explaining your actions.
• When you make a mistake, don’t be too hard on yourself.
• You feel terrible shame or rage when you reflect on your shortcomings.
• Hold on tight to those that make you feel good about yourself, because you will struggle to keep that feeling alive if they ever leave your life.
• You need to convince yourself that caring for yourself is selfish.
• Be consistently damaging to yourself or make decisions that demonstrate a lack of self-worth.
• Put other people’s needs before your own.
• Find a technique to convince yourself that you don’t deserve your goals and aspirations at any cost.

Every single one of them is something I have done before. Probably all of us have. Loving yourself may be difficult at times, especially in a culture where change is very profitable.

There will always be new innovations and methods to improve, and it’s a wonderful thing to welcome the opportunity for continuous development. Staying in one place is a type of death; life is about change. However, we must remember that our bright and dark sides, along with our whole genuine selves, make us lovely and amazing.

1. Realize that your biggest failures do not define you.

Our deeds of yesteryear may have molded our present selves, but we are not our deeds. There is no need to let yesterday’s errors or labels define us today. No matter what you did, it is now too late. If you’re making the decision to change your ways today, it doesn’t have to define you.

We have the freedom to evaluate ourselves based on either our weaknesses or strengths. Focus on the best and use your sense of pride to create additional successes like theirs. When you accomplish something you’re proud of, it’s another reason to celebrate your unique identity.

2. Realize you are already perfect as you are.

No matter how respected or successful a person may be, I guarantee they have both strengths and weaknesses, and I secretly hope that the world will focus more on their strengths and less on their weaknesses.

Every person seeks approval. The desire for social interaction is hardwired into us, and when we’re feeling alone, it’s usually because we’re doubting our own abilities.

You need not prove your worth to anyone. You shouldn’t feel the need to cover up past transgressions just because they could affect your reputation. You need only accept and forgive yourself and have faith that others will do the same for you.

When you’re being genuine, you put yourself out there, flaws and all. If others condemn you for it, that’s on them, not you.

Rather than pretending and having to constantly maintain a false persona, I’d rather be honest with people and know they accept me for who I really am.

3. Recognize the worth of being able to see in low light.

You’re human; nobody’s perfect. The best part about making mistakes is that you can teach others through them.

We are able to feel for the pain of others since we have also experienced both error and suffering. It is possible to put aside our own suffering in order to help others around us.

It is fundamental to the human condition to be imperfect. This blog probably wouldn’t exist if I didn’t have some less-than-amazing qualities and anecdotes.

The moment you discover your faults may benefit others and bring us all closer together, they stop feeling like weaknesses and start seeming more like strengths.

4. Realize your significance.

Someone in power above me once said to me, “If I were your age, I wouldn’t be your friend.”

For a long time, I believed that if given the opportunity, most people would choose not to like me. People seemed to become nervous around me as I grew older, and I can see why. I clung to them like a parasite, wishing without hope that they would retract that one terrible, demoralizing remark someone else had made years before.

It wasn’t until someone told me that I really started to believe it. Now I see I was wrong; my actions have consequences, and my life does matter.

You make a difference in the lives of numerous individuals every day, and that’s true whether or not it gets blogged about or tweeted about. You, like George Bailey in “It’s a Wonderful Life,” have an impact on the world that you can’t even begin to fathom by doing good deeds.

The world is a better place because of you, even if not everyone knows it. Sometimes you may feel more confident in your own worth than at other times, but remember that even the tiniest seed of love is precious because it may develop.

5. Realize that your attitude and behavior have a multiplicative effect.

If you sit alone, pining for another reality, the nice fuzziness you feel doesn’t amount to much. The next logical step after realizing we are deserving of love and happiness is to take action toward making those things a reality.

Break free and see the world. Get over your fear and try something new. Appreciate yourself for even the smallest accomplishment. Accept your human limitations and direct your energy toward making improvements.

Everyday love in action Treat yourself to a kind gesture. Help other people out. Help the planet in some way.

Recognize your flaws, try to strengthen them, and declare boldly and confidently that you will not be defined by them. You deserve to appreciate the present, but you must take responsibility for doing so if you find yourself lingering on the past or fretting about the future.

It’s not something I’ve always done. I’ve wasted a lot of time being miserable and wishing I were someone else. But those times are behind me now, and I’m content with who I am. I don’t even know you, but I know I desire love like that. Trust me, you deserve it.

To be quite honest, I’ve felt a bit awkward during all of this. Once again, I’ve sliced open my own flesh. This time around, though, I have no intention of altering the contents. I’m simply here to tell you that I have flaws just like everyone else does, and that’s good and lovely.

From someone who is just starting to get it when it comes to love: much adoration and illumination.