Benefits of Ending a Relationship: From Heartbreak to Freedom

The ability to make changes is diminished when blame is placed on others.

Robert Anthony, M.D.

The email I got on May 7th, 2012, was the turning point in my life.

“I’m seeing somebody else, and you guessed it!”

Only that one phrase stuck with me.

My then-boyfriend and I were having some issues, and I confronted him about it.

He admitted it to me through email while I was in the office.

Nothing could be done, and I had nowhere to go.

That familiar stinging pain crept up my neck.

For the remainder of the day, I sat at my desk in my office in a daze, unable to decide what to do next.

I continued on without crying for the following several days, thinking that everything was OK.

In actuality, it wasn’t.

After spending the evening with friends three days later, I returned home to the devastating realization that he was gone.

I was by myself.

I lost it and started bawling my eyes out.

There was no light at the end of the tunnel—just endless suffering.

That, alas, would turn out to be accurate.

I had been a serial relationship jumper up until that time.

For the last fourteen years and four major partnerships, I’ve constantly jumped from one relationship to the next.

During that period, I didn’t give much thought to what I really desired.

I avoided being alone at all costs, but I never took the time to get to know myself, jumping from relationship to relationship and always wondering what went wrong.

Naturally, I held everyone responsible.

There definitely wasn’t a problem with me.

I was a nice girlfriend because I was always there for them and willing to do more than they asked or expected.

I also attempted to control my emotions and never spoke up when things between us seemed off.

I tried to be helpful.

If I wanted to remain in close proximity to any of them, I would have taken a job closer to home.

I didn’t stick around in a job I hated just to be close to someone else.

My ego took a backseat.

It was the same in the first months of 2012.

The whole mess was due to him.

He betrayed me by having an affair.

So he just got up and abandoned me.

I was wronged by him.

It was me who was hurt.

Due to him, it came to an end.

Yes, I considered breaking up with him but ultimately decided against it.

There were plenty of warning signs, but surely a good partner simply looks beyond them.

Then a shift occurred.

Over the course of the following months, while I pieced my life back together, I gave some serious consideration to the question of why this had occurred.

I started to question whether or not I was responsible for this and the demise of my prior relationships.

I started shouldering my share of the load.

A shattered heart isn’t always a terrible thing; it may provide room for even greater love.

In an effort to get to know myself for the first time, I made the executive choice to isolate myself for a while.

I decided to give yoga a try.

My interest in writing was revived.

I completed my training as a pastry chef.

As for me, I went to Paris.

I composed several tunes myself.

I have a spiritual guide now.

(The teacher will show up when you’re ready, in other words.)

I was maturing into who I was meant to be.

I didn’t feel alone; in fact, it was the opposite.

Moreover, I understood that I was not the innocent party.

Everything that happened as a result of my decisions and actions occurred because of me, not simply because of me.

My interactions with other people started to improve as well.

For the first time in my life, I was opening up and letting others get to know the real me.

I had stopped trying to accomplish everything by myself and had started counting on my friends and family for support.

I reconciled two previously estranged relationships with people who are now among my closest friends by recognizing that accountability and forgiveness go hand in hand.

My time with one of them has increased since she is the mother of two of my nephews.

The pain of my loss drew me closer to my loved ones.

This has not been a smooth road, and we still have a long way to go.

But now, two years later, I’ve made tremendous progress.

This is real life, and I’m living it.

The opportunity to love and be loved recurs daily.

What you put in is what you receive.

Some people say that everything, even unfortunate events, occurs for a purpose, and I tend to agree.

The fires of my grief and panic gave way to the phoenix of accountability, reconciliation, and compassion.

Broken hearts are the doorways through which our inner grandeur might finally flow.

Every day, I am grateful that someone destroyed my heart.

I will never let it re-seal itself.